Moving Advice

Moving involves more than just packing up your earthly possessions and changing your address. There are a lot of feelings and emotions involved too. Some you might expect and others might surprise you. Here are some answers to some common moving concerns.

My school-age children don't want to move. What should I do?

In this situation, communication is key. Start with a heart-to-heart conversation explaining the move. Be sure to cover where you are moving, when and why. Then get to the real issue - how your children feel. Are they angry? Sad? Scared? The answer to each is probably yes. Address each feeling, validate their emotions and above all give them honest answers.

The next step is to involve your children as much as possible. Here's how:

Research your new hometown together and identify places you can visit or "adventures" you can have together once you arrive.

Make an effort to meet children in the new neighborhood before you move in.

Pack a box with your child of special items that can be unpacked as soon as you arrive. This might include special stuffed animals, pictures, toys or other "security" items.

Above all, reassure your children that they will not be left behind (a common fear among little ones who are moving) and let them know that you will make every effort to help them stay connected to their old friends while they make new ones.

My teenage children are reluctant to move. How can I ease the transition?

Adolescence is one of the most difficult times to move. Your teens are going through a tremendous amount of physical and emotional changes and, as you know, they see their friendships as the most important relationships in their lives. When you talk about moving they think of losing friends and their sense of security. Try these steps to make the transition easier:

Open the lines of communication and let your teens know you are there to talk about any of their concerns.

Involve them in the move by letting them contribute search criteria.

Make the move during the school year. This forces them into a social situation and allows them to establish relationships before the summer.

Research sports clubs, youth groups or other activities your teens can join once you move.

Set up email accounts so they can keep in touch with friends and make arrangements for friends to visit when the move is complete.

Even with these precautions, the move is likely to be traumatic for your teens. Remember to listen to their fears and concerns and let them know you understand. If you are very concerned, perhaps a school counselor, clergyman or rabbi can help.

My spouse wants to move and I don't. How do we handle this?

The first step is to get the facts. Why does your spouse want to move? Put all the reasons down on paper. Next, discuss your reservations and jot those down too. Now you are on your way to a pro and con list on moving. Use this tool to hash out your thoughts and feelings.

In addition to the list, your approach to the topic will also be crucial. Marriage is an equal partnership and you both need to have an open mind. Try to see each other's point of view and remember that your relationship is more important than where you live.

I'm both happy and sad about moving. Is this normal?

Completely. Most people experience many emotions during a move. Typically sellers are excited, but also a little scared and nervous. You might feel better about moving if you feel more in control of the process. Get a handle on your move by following these moving tips <>. They will help organize your move and put you in the driver's seat. Next, start a "moving journal." Validate your feelings by writing down your emotions. It will be an outlet for your nervous energy, excitement and fears. (And it is also fun to read a few years later once you are established in your new hometown.) It is also helpful to get to know as much as you can about your new neighborhood or town. This way you won't feel isolated or alone when you arrive. Make a special effort to seek out clubs or special interest groups that will help you meet new people. Finally, make plans to get together with friends or neighbors from your old neighborhood once you move. It will help you feel grounded and better able to deal with your changing moods and emotions.

Searching for a new home is so stressful. How can I cope?

Many have compared house hunting to a second job and in many ways they are right. Like a career, a home search entails additional responsibilities and major decisions and with that comes stress. Here are some ways to cope:

Turn to your real estate professional for advice. He or she is there to guide you through this process.

Depend on your spouse or friends. Talking about your concerns can help ease your anxieties.

Take time out for yourself. Take a walk and promise not to talk or think about your house hunt for a while.

Unless there are extenuating circumstances, remember that the decision to move is a voluntary one. If the market conditions aren't right or you don't find the home you want, put your search on hold for a bit and start again when you are ready.

Have realistic expectations. With a major purchase like a home, there is bound to be some stress. Just knowing it is part of the process should make it a little easier to handle.

I miss my old neighbors. What should I do?

There is a saying that goes, "Make new friends, but keep the old. One is silver and the other gold." When you are second-guessing a decision to move, it is helpful to keep this verse in mind. It is perfectly natural to miss your old neighborhood and neighbors, so don't feel badly about it. Instead, make plans to visit your old friends, or invite them to your new house. Allow them to share in this experience with you and let them know how much they mean to you. In addition, make a concerted effort to get to know those in your new community. Join a local organization, get involved in local charity efforts, lead a child's scouting group or coach a sports team. Getting involved is key to feeling better about your move. With this attitude you can enjoy the best of both, the old and new.

I cannot stop worrying over money. How can I get some peace of mind?

A home is typically the single largest investment in a person's life, so it is only natural to be nervous. To put your mind at rest, try these steps:

Determine a suitable price range by subtracting all your non-housing monthly debts and expenses (e.g. credit card and loan payments, tuition, transportation, food, clothing) from your monthly income to calculate how much income can be applied to housing expenses, including mortgage payments, real estate taxes and insurance. As a rule of thumb, this "housing" amount should be no more than roughly 30 percent of your total monthly income.

Consult a financial advisor to review your numbers before you go to a lender for a mortgage application.

Expect the unexpected. Be sure to put aside some money for closing costs and home repairs that may be needed. Knowing you have this "emergency kitty" set aside should help calm some of your nerves.

If you are still concerned, consider scaling back your price range for greater peace of mind. But remember this may require you to move again just a few years down the road to a larger home or one with a better location.

Remind yourself of all the benefits of homeownership (tax breaks, a sense of comfort and safety, investment, sense of accomplishment.) Try to focus on the positives of home owning and know that some nerves are just part of the process.

Showing my house is making me crazy. How can I stay sane?

Many sellers feel pressure to keep their homes in showcase condition for prospective buyers who come calling. While it is true that an attractive home is easier to sell, it shouldn't keep you up at night with worry.

Start by getting rid of the clutter. Perhaps a friend or neighbor will store some of these items for you while your house is on the market. This will make it easier to straighten up the house before a buyer arrives. Next, create a cleaning routine. Set aside a half-hour each day to straighten and clean. Put a candle and some potpourri in a convenient place so they can be located easily and set out before each visit. Another option is to hire a cleaning service while your home is on the market. Finally, discuss your concerns with your real estate professional. Tell him or her what times work best for you and concentrate on having the house in its best condition during those hours. Finally, remember to take some time for yourself. Letting off steam, whether by exercising or having a nice dinner with friends, will reduce your anxiety levels and help you have a better perspective.