1.

Telling them immediately is doubly important.

They need time to get used to the idea, to plan and to grieve at leaving their friends. Keeping a move from them also is likely to heighten emotions between you, as they may feel a sense of betrayal—that you were hiding an important secret.

2.

Do some homework so you can "sell" the new community.

Be ready to present benefits of the move that your teens will agree are positives for them. Maybe they'll finally get their own bedroom or you're moving to a city with more public transportation, making it easier for them to get around on their own. Look for a link to a talent or interest your child has that can be explored more fully in this new place. Show them the move has opportunities for them personally.

3.

Be straightforward about why you are moving.

Older children are more able to grasp the bigger issues of why the move is happening—even if they don't want to understand. You can explain why a promotion can't be turned down and can benefit the whole family, or why an elderly grandparent needs the family nearby. Be willing to have a discussion and state your reasoning, such as when your teen asks why Grandma can't just move closer to you. Remember the importance of openness. Responses like "Because I said so" often won't smooth the path ahead.

4.

Share what will happen next.

Give them an idea of timetable and how the move will work, such as if one parent will move first and the rest of the family will follow later. Explain where you are in terms of finding a new home and how they can be involved in the process. Assure them that their ideas are welcome, even if you can't always act on them, and their feelings and opinions respected. And then be sure to live up to your word!